Faith is an important part of our family. We have tried to allow God to be in the forefront of our life, conversations and prayers. We want her to be able to give thanks for our life and what we have been blessed with. We want her to know that we believe that our life extends beyond our time here on earth. The conversations of death and of heaven have been a part of her vocabulary for quite some time. She has known that Uncle Ryan is in heaven and although I would have thought this to be a very abstract concept at this age she seems to embrace it very well. When his name comes up she sometimes says that "Uncle Ryan is in heaven”. We also remind her that although people may not be with us physically that they will always have a place in our hearts. We talked about how God is always in each of our hearts and that we can carry him with us wherever we are. It was after such a discussion that she informed me that she wanted to give God a big hug, but it was too hard to get into her heart. It was with this that she wrapped her arms around her little body and gave herself a big hug said “Do you think that God can feel my love and hugs?” This kindness and love of God warmed my heart. It was then that she also informed me that God, Uncle Ryan and Santa are in her heart. Her incredible insight makes me appreciate the faith of a child. With the passing of Nick’s grandfather Nelson, the conversation of death and heaven arose again. She talked about how he was going to heaven and then we talked about how we would be going to Arizona to celebrate his life. She is astute and able to comprehend subjects that I once thought were too complex or too heavy for a child of her age. Last week Nick and I were laying in bed with her as we do most nights reading books, telling stories, and saying our prayers and randomly she turned the conversation to Ryan. She asked “How did Uncle Ryan die?” Nick and I both looked at each other trying to go over how we would respond to her, and I said “He died of a broken heart.” I can’t tell you how surprised I was by her questioning and how caught off guard I was. Her prayers even extended to God taking care of bunnies the other night. On any other night this prayer may have sounded strange and without thought, but it made perfect sense given what had recently transpired. A few weeks prior Nick was tilling the garden to replant and as he was digging he came across 3 newborn baby bunnies. Unfortunately one vanished and one died teaching Brylie another valuable lesson of the circle of life. Her prayers echoed the sweetness and kindness she has towards living things, The other night again her conversation turned to Ryan. She talked about him being in heaven and told me “I hope God gave Uncle Ryan a big hug before he went to heaven” Sometimes I wonder how she is capable of thinking about these questions and how her timing and ability to ask them in such a manner create such a ripple effect of questions in myself. These are just a few of the many instances that she has captured my attention.
I don’t share these stories simply to highlight our conversations about death, but rather to illuminate how much she is teaching me about life and living. Brylie constantly shows me how much wonder there is in the world. She shows me how much there is to explore, learn and discover about life, ourselves and one another. She shows me how the memory of Ryan can live on through her careful questioning and investigations. She shows me how much there is to appreciate with these tender ages even in the midst of all the craziness. She shows me what the love of a child looks like. She shows me importance of family and being present and mindful to each moment.
I am thankful for these moments that I have been able to treasure with Brylie and I look forward to many more ahead. Nick and the girls are an amazing blessing and I feel lucky for this life.
Picture taken from before her Daddy Daughter date 3/13/14
